WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence (DV) occurs when there is control by one partner over another partner in a dating, marital or live-in relationship.  Different ways of control can include physical, emotional, sexual, and financial.  These can also include threats and isolation.

Abusers act out in many different ways, including physical violence, isolation, intimidation, and control over their partners.  It tends to start small and grow.  For example, physical violence may start with a firm hand on the shoulder to stop a partner’s movement, escalating over time into a shove or physically blocking a partner’s path, or worse.

Who does Domestic Violence affect?

Domestic violence affects men and women in every culture, country and age group.  It effects people in all economic, educational, and religious backgrounds and takes place in same sex and opposite sex relationships.  Children, even if they do not directly witness domestic violence, are also affected.  Women and girls with fewer outside resources are at the highest risk for domestic violence.

What are the potential warning signs of Domestic Violence?

So how do you know if you may be at risk for DV?  Some of the signs listed below can be early indicators you may be at risk.  Some of the signs may be:

• Quick whirlwind romance
• Constantly wanting to be with you, know what your doing, etc…
• Jealousy at any attention, real or perceived, from others
• Isolating you from family or friends
• Extreme sensitivity to criticism
• Constantly blaming others for their own problems or mistakes
• Pressures you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with

The Cycle of Violence

The cycle of violence refers to a general pattern in a relationship that is involved in domestic violence.  The violence may stay mild for years, then escalate, or may escalate quickly.  In general, the abuser tends to become tense and agitated, leading to an incident of violence.  Once the violence subsides, the abuser is generally apologetic and may attempt to make amends (flowers, cards, sweet talk).  Also, the abuser may attempt to blame the victim, saying things like “If you hadn’t made me angry, then I wouldn’t have done that”.  Being Abused is never your fault.  Learning to resolve conflict without abuse is possible for everyone.  Of the almost 3.5 million violent crimes committed against family members, 49% of these were crimes against spouses.

What are the Mental Health effects of Domestic Violence?

 Domestic violence can lead to other emotional problems, such as depression, anxiety, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder and substance abuse.  Abuse can trigger difficulty sleeping, suicidal thoughts or behaviors, shame and guilt, violence and aggression.  Children can experience developmental disorders, psychiatric disorders, school and peer difficulties, aggression, isolation, fear and withdraw.

What Can You Do if You Are Being Abused?

While you can’t stop your partner’s abuse, there are many steps you can take to find help for domestic violence. 

• Talk with someone you trust: a friend, neighbor, co-worker, religious or spiritual advisor, etc…
• Tell your physician, nurse, or therapist about the abuse.
• Contact a local or national hotline (referrals below).
• Call the police if you are in danger.

Remember that only you can change your behavior and only the abuser can change theirs.

REFERRALS

Alternatives to Domestic Violence	Shelter from the Storm	National Domestic Violence
800-339-7233 (951) 683-0829	800-775-6055 (760) 328-7233	800-799-7233 800-787-3244 (TYY)
Serving Western Riverside County Moreno Valley, Riverside, Temecula, Norco and Corona	Serving the Desert Community Banning to Palm Springs, Indio and Blythe	National Referral Service